Writing in Fear by Kimberlyne, SYI Communications & Storytelling Intern
My name is Kimberlyne, my nickname is Kimy, but right now that’s not the most important thing about me. What matters is that I am a SYI intern and someone who is writing and writing in fear.
First of all, I want to say that fear is not always loud. Sometimes it whispers. It shows up when you are young and trying to figure out who you are, when you feel pressure to succeed, to help your family, to be strong, to not fail. And sometimes, when you have a lot of trauma, when a lot of bad things have happened, fear stays with you until you begin healing.
Fear lives in your chest. Sometimes fear makes you compare your life with others and wonder: Why did I go through so many bad things? Why did this happen to me? Why do others seem to be living their best lives while I’m stuck right here? And you start to wonder why your path feels heavier.
I write in fear because fear has been my companion. It has almost become my only friend. Fear of not being enough. Fear of starting over. Fear of dreaming too big. Fear of disappointing people who believe in me. Fear of disappointing myself. Fear that bad things will continue to happen to me.
So if I want to say something to the younger people reading this: if you feel afraid, please know that you are not weak. You are aware. Fear means you care. It means you want more from your life. Sometimes it means there is something inside you that still needs healing. It means you understand that your choices matter.
The problem is not fear itself. Fear is an emotion, and it’s okay to feel it. The problem is when fear controls your voice and silences your truth. That is where it becomes dangerous.
For me, when I write in fear, I am even afraid of what I am feeling. But I still continue to write. My words shake, but they are honest. I write what is inside of me. Fear forces me to look at myself closely and ask hard questions: Why am I scared? What am I protecting? What am I afraid to lose? And slowly, when you look for the answers, they begin to help you.
But take your time. Really take your time. I understand what fear is. I cannot tell you that tomorrow you will not feel fear anymore because fear is an emotion, and it’s normal. What I can tell you is this: don’t let fear control everything. Maybe fear controls you once, twice, five times but it does not have to control your entire life.
Fear teaches me that growth is uncomfortable. You are dealing with a lot. Sometimes you are dealing with things that were not even your fault. And if you never feel fear, you are probably not growing.
Writing in fear is not about complaining. Don’t be scared to write what you feel. Don’t be scared to talk about what you fear. Never, ever be afraid of that. Writing about fear is not weakness. There are people who will listen. There are people who truly understand what you are feeling. You are not too much. You are not wrong. It’s okay.
Writing in fear is about surviving with awareness. And sometimes, writing is the only place where fear finally lets you breathe.
I know this because I am speaking from experience.